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 Post subject: Need help with lyrics
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 5:41 am 
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Joined: Tue May 08, 2012 12:47 am
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Location: Sweden
Hello fellow Mixcrafters :)

I am working on some lyrics but got stuck..
I'm from Sweden and my School English is not helping me out.
If anyone could help me, i would really appreciate it :)

These are the lines:
- When I touch your beauty skin,
- My love for you begin(s)

The word "begin", should i end it with "s"?

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:00 am 
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Hi Peter

Yes! The "s" will sound more correct.

The word "beauty" would be more correctly said as "beautiful" in the first line - if it will fit OK.

Hope this helps.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:57 am 
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Location: Colchester, Essex, UK
I agree with Trevor, in addition you could also think of

When I touch your beauty
My love for you begins

If you will excuse the pun it brings a different complexion to the composition.

John


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:41 am 
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Location: NW Wisconsin
If you feel strongly about using the first line you could consider

- When I touch your beauty skin,
- My love for you began

"Began" sounds close enough to rhyme.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:07 am 
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Another alternative:

Its when I touch your skin
My love for you begins?

Its when I touch your booty.....

No never mind! :oops:

Bucktail:
"- When I touch your beauty skin,
- My love for you began
"Began" sounds close enough to rhyme."

Especially with a little southern "twang"! :D

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:11 am 
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Location: Amsterdam, Nederland
"When i touch your perfect skin
my love for you begins"

Preserves both metrum (edit: well, in English this is called "metre" or "meter") and rhyme.

But, i don't know the skin in question. Is it really perfect? Do you have a picture? :wink:

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:32 pm 
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Behave yourself, Juno :mrgreen:

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When I listen, I forget. When I see, I remember. When I do, I understand. Confucius
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:22 pm 
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How about:
My love for you begins.
Whenever I touch your lovely skin.
Or
My love for you always begins
Each time I touch your lovely skin.

I like Mbliss's idea though!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 4:58 pm 
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trevlyns wrote:
Behave yourself, Juno :mrgreen:

:oops:

Should i go to Sweden to apologise? 8)

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:01 pm 
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I'm still trying to find a rhyme for booty

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:21 pm 
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Location: Thorold Canada
Our love is funky
But I lost your love
Wherever it may be,
Wherever you have left it.

That's all that I can think of right now!

TTFN,

David


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 08, 2012 12:47 am
Posts: 44
Location: Sweden
Thank you so much all,

Now i got a bunch of options to choose from, you will hear the result when the song is done :)

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:26 am 
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chibear wrote:
I'm still trying to find a rhyme for booty


I touched her booty
Now I have a husbands duty
but I never knew
she would be so moody

Theres 2! :shock:

Glad to help Peter, I look foward to the result. Might have had more to offer if we had more content/context to contemplate.
Keep it simple, and have fun!

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 1:16 pm 
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Location: Kennesaw GA
Jut my own thought.

Each time I kiss your beautiful skin
my love begins again and again


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:39 am 
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My tuppenny worth ...

Each time I touch your beautiful skin
My mind is filled with sin.

Gary

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