Need help with lyrics

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Peter G
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Joined: Tue May 08, 2012 12:47 am
Location: Sweden

Need help with lyrics

Post by Peter G » Fri Jul 05, 2013 5:41 am

Hello fellow Mixcrafters :)

I am working on some lyrics but got stuck..
I'm from Sweden and my School English is not helping me out.
If anyone could help me, i would really appreciate it :)

These are the lines:
- When I touch your beauty skin,
- My love for you begin(s)

The word "begin", should i end it with "s"?

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trevlyns
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by trevlyns » Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:00 am

Hi Peter

Yes! The "s" will sound more correct.

The word "beauty" would be more correctly said as "beautiful" in the first line - if it will fit OK.

Hope this helps.
Keep on trackin'

Trevor
Official OFC™ Founding Member

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fredfish
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by fredfish » Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:57 am

I agree with Trevor, in addition you could also think of

When I touch your beauty
My love for you begins

If you will excuse the pun it brings a different complexion to the composition.

John

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Bucktail
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Bucktail » Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:41 am

If you feel strongly about using the first line you could consider

- When I touch your beauty skin,
- My love for you began

"Began" sounds close enough to rhyme.

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Mark Bliss
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Mark Bliss » Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:07 am

Another alternative:

Its when I touch your skin
My love for you begins?

Its when I touch your booty.....

No never mind! :oops:

Bucktail:
"- When I touch your beauty skin,
- My love for you began
"Began" sounds close enough to rhyme."

Especially with a little southern "twang"! :D
Stay in tune, Mark

My SOUNDCLOUD Page

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Juno
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Juno » Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:11 am

"When i touch your perfect skin
my love for you begins"

Preserves both metrum (edit: well, in English this is called "metre" or "meter") and rhyme.

But, i don't know the skin in question. Is it really perfect? Do you have a picture? :wink:
We the undersigned being of sound mind hereby do declare:
'We henceforth pledge ourselves unto the power of the Upper Air'
Doesn't that sound simply super
Zeppelin visions of the future
Of course we all know very well it wouldn't work but what the hell

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trevlyns
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by trevlyns » Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:32 pm

Behave yourself, Juno :mrgreen:
Keep on trackin'

Trevor
Official OFC™ Founding Member

Win 10 64 bit; MX9 Pro; Intel quad core i-5 @ 3.30 GHz; 16 GB RAM
I started out with nothing - and still have most of it left! - Seasick Steve

mick
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by mick » Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:22 pm

How about:
My love for you begins.
Whenever I touch your lovely skin.
Or
My love for you always begins
Each time I touch your lovely skin.

I like Mbliss's idea though!

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Juno
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Juno » Fri Jul 05, 2013 4:58 pm

trevlyns wrote:Behave yourself, Juno :mrgreen:

:oops:

Should i go to Sweden to apologise? 8)
We the undersigned being of sound mind hereby do declare:
'We henceforth pledge ourselves unto the power of the Upper Air'
Doesn't that sound simply super
Zeppelin visions of the future
Of course we all know very well it wouldn't work but what the hell

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chibear
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by chibear » Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:01 pm

I'm still trying to find a rhyme for booty
Win 7 Pro, 3930K, Gigabyte Ga-X79-UP4, Corsair AX860i, 64GB gSkill 1600 RAM, 5 X 120 GB Intel 520 SSD, 1T & 2T WD caviar black, EVGA nVidea 560, Asus Xonar Essence STX EWQL CCC, Kirk Hunter, Chris Hein, Omnisphere
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dadabujontomasteel
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by dadabujontomasteel » Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:21 pm

Our love is funky
But I lost your love
Wherever it may be,
Wherever you have left it.

That's all that I can think of right now!

TTFN,

David

Peter G
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Peter G » Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:59 pm

Thank you so much all,

Now i got a bunch of options to choose from, you will hear the result when the song is done :)

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Mark Bliss
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Mark Bliss » Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:26 am

chibear wrote:I'm still trying to find a rhyme for booty
I touched her booty
Now I have a husbands duty
but I never knew
she would be so moody

Theres 2! :shock:

Glad to help Peter, I look foward to the result. Might have had more to offer if we had more content/context to contemplate.
Keep it simple, and have fun!
Stay in tune, Mark

My SOUNDCLOUD Page

songsmith1950
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by songsmith1950 » Tue Jul 09, 2013 1:16 pm

Jut my own thought.

Each time I kiss your beautiful skin
my love begins again and again


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Tiasdad
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Re: Need help with lyrics

Post by Tiasdad » Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:39 am

My tuppenny worth ...

Each time I touch your beautiful skin
My mind is filled with sin.

Gary
Gary
“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.” ― Frank Zappa
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